A dozen lads were sitting in a circle of chairs and the professor asked them to introduce themselves. "Hellooo, I'm Heinz and I'm a climber." There was encouraging applause for this confession. "I'm an autodidings...dictator, so I learnt it myself, but free gliding like that, loose in the straps, just doesn't work." - "Not for me either!" others now shouted, and it continued: "I'm Kurt and I'm a climber." Let's hear it! "I've been trying the water start for five years. I nearly drowned three times." The others: "Boooah ..." - "Yes, I drifted off in Greece and was stuck on an uninhabited island for three days, and last year a steamer ran me over." - "Noooo!" - "Yes, you did."
Then: "I'm Kai and I'm a climber." Applause. "My problem is the jibe, I just can't glide through it and fall in halfway through. Even as a boy, my father used to spank me when it didn't work out and ... and ..." Now he actually started crying! "... and then, sniff, sniff again and I'm lying on my muzzle, and I want the power neck, sniff, and that has to work ..."
This went on in circles until the professor finally intervened sensitively and summarised: "So what is a climber? A climber is a windsurfer, which can't glide, can't jibe, can't strap, can't waterstart. So a climber can't do anything. Why? Either they don't want to, because they're stubborn, or they can't, because they're stupid. Problem between the ears." There was some unease. "But I offer a special psichological course, which blows problems away. Six hours, only eight hundred and fifty euros and everything is guaranteed to work, with a certificate!"
At that moment, a tall gentleman entered the room and said: "Good evening, I'm Herbert and I'm not a climber." Applause nonetheless. "Thank you," he said, "but I'm a policeman and I have to arrest your course leader. The professor is not a professor, but a wanted, evil fraudster who wants to cheat you out of your money. His real name is Hermann Müller and he has never seen a windsurfing board or a scientific textbook in the flesh." - "And what should we do now?" they asked. "Practise, practise hard. It's like a gangster hunt: keep at it, you'll get there eventually."
More from Tommy Brandner:
- Under-80s or over-80s? Diets for windsurfers
- A visit to the tuning workshop for windsurfers
- Motorhome for beginners
- Attention drone!
- Through the shorebreak
- The avalanche of traffic jams is rolling again
- Happy B-Day, King!
- Used is still too expensive
- That was 2023
- To foil or not to foil
- Faster, faster, faster... or: Who is this Lüderitz anyway?
- Windy stories
- The handsome Hansi
- AI hysteria
- News from the Spocht
- Get fit without training
- Madhouse on the beach
- What do fish actually think about windsurfers?
- Loop into the headline
- Great season!
- Afternoon at the (windsurfing) museum - tidying up made easy
- Djinn Drake, the windsurfing genie in a bottle
