Our famous, impoverished hereditary uncle on his stepmother's side, Hilberth von Hinthen. Who doesn't know him, the 17 times married, fearless hunter of lost freedom, the crocodile catcher of Lacoste, the blood brother of Winnetou, the hero, he circumnavigated Heligoland in a dugout canoe - or was it Legoland? -caught the tiger of Eschnapur with his bare hands, and he is even said to have been the first to climb Aunt Bertha von, ah - Dings. Legendary, the man.
He recently celebrated his 95th birthday. Naturally, he dug out old adventures with his relatives, so we gathered around the old, finely dressed warhorse in the wheelchair and were surprised to hear that he was also one of the first windsurfers on the planet. "Yes, that was a long time ago that I invented it and then sold it to that Francis Drake and the Swiss ambassador." - "Aren't you getting things mixed up, Uncle Hilberth?" - "What? Never! I can still remember exactly how we surfed together from island to island in the South Pacific and were hunted by those ravenous monsters off Pitcairn." - "Sharks?"
"Yes, a current had separated me from the others and the wind had fallen asleep, when suddenly a great white appeared next to me. At least eight metres long. Out of experience, I did nothing at first. But then a second one came along, then another and another. Tiger sharks came, bull sharks and hammerheads. Eventually there were around 200 of these beasts, circling closer and closer to my board. There was no escape. Then they bit chunks out of the board, bared their mighty jaws, and then, then this huge ten-tonne man-eater came straight at me from the front. It came closer and closer, got faster, raised its head, opened its terrible mouth, shot out of the water and ..."
Uncle Hilberth paused, exhausted, but we wanted to know more: "So, Uncle, so?" - "... and I shat in my suit!" - "Understandable, Uncle Hilberth, in that situation with the sharks back then." And the adventurer replied: "No, not then - NOW!"
More from Tommy Brandner:
- Under-80s or over-80s? Diets for windsurfers
- A visit to the tuning workshop for windsurfers
- Motorhome for beginners
- Attention drone!
- Through the shorebreak
- The avalanche of traffic jams is rolling again
- Happy B-Day, King!
- Used is still too expensive
- That was 2023
- To foil or not to foil
- Faster, faster, faster... or: Who is this Lüderitz anyway?
- Windy stories
- The handsome Hansi
- AI hysteria
- News from the Spocht
- Get fit without training
- Madhouse on the beach
- What do fish actually think about windsurfers?
- Loop into the headline
- Great season!
- Afternoon at the (windsurfing) museum - tidying up made easy
- Djinn Drake, the windsurfing genie in a bottle
- The meeting of the "anonymous climbers"
- The greatest invention in windsurfing history
- The craziest position for an action cam
